


Whatever It Takes

by cxmistry



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark Rey (Star Wars), Dark Reylo, Dominant Rey, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Internal Conflict, Politics, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Praise Kink, Sexual Tension, Smut, Star Wars Sequel - Freeform, Submissive Ben Solo, Submissive Kylo Ren, grey reylo but much darker, okay maybe too much smut, okay too much sexual tension, redemption but not really, star wars all media, stars wars if they all had therapists
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:54:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24989401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cxmistry/pseuds/cxmistry
Summary: Rey reaches her limit.It’s over. Fighting is useless already, and everywhere she stares at only shows the reflection of her bad decisions. It shows pain, suffering, agony she could stop just by saying the right words, changing side.So she does.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 7
Kudos: 29





	1. A New Order

**Author's Note:**

> first things first, i can't believe i'm really doing it. some months ago i wouldn't even dream about writing this and still here i am (so let's hope i don't mess things up).  
> this story goes to both future psychologists who could just analyze sw's characters forever (thanks, girls!!! appreciate all the help).
> 
> so, it all happens after tlj events, so i hope y'all enjoy what could have happen after it.  
> x

Rey reaches her limit.

It’s over. Fighting is useless already, and everywhere she stares at only shows the reflection of her bad decisions. It shows pain, suffering, agony she could stop just by saying the right words. Her ship was shot, thanks to her continuous distraction, but most of them were still crossing the fire, facing a battle scenario (even though she could only catch sight of explosions, keeping herself safe, hidden, and ready to give up).

What she feared the most was happening.

The only way Rey could leave Tatooine alive, alone, was using _him,_ she understood immediately. Doubting he would help (thus he already saved her once, hopeful she’d accept his proposal), she started planning what she was going to do. Honestly, there was no plan but following her intuition as once before.

By that time, though, when she almost let herself go through his words, Rey knew exactly who she was dealing with: a Kylo Ren tormented by all the disappointment and loneliness, trying to fill the void with his thirst for power just as his real self was dying slowly. It was so clear Ben Solo was still there, buried deep in his core. She could feel it in her soul, on the tip of her fingers when they touched hands, and through the warm energy emanated from his thighs as she picked up steam on it, hands trembling after Snoke got killed.

She felt relieved.

Perhaps it was due to the same hope he once had, wishing things were easier, wishing she wasn’t so quick at saying no. But Rey could still hear him, eyes glittering with concentration as he murmured the words, unhesitating. _Join me_ , he said, his deep voice becoming weak, the confident man who had killed his leader, who begged, _please_ , for her to stay, showing he didn't plan to leave his ideals.

So she turned away, as frightened as him.

Afraid of herself.

For the first time since they met in person, she was afraid of him too, a reasonable fear. Rey was going to face the Supreme Leader, and not a foolish follower. Even if he wanted to set her free, there was a tremendous chance he wouldn’t hesitate to prove his power once again.

Oddly, she accepted her fate, whichever it was.

 _“May the Force be with you”,_ she heard while getting ready to fight. But they didn’t know how guilty she felt, taking the lightsaber, trying to be strong for the Resistance. It was the third attack in a moon and no one had time to think about an explanation — lucky her, maybe. This way they’d never know it was all her fault.

At first, it seemed easy to block Kylo Ren out of her mind and protect herself from the memories, to control the force bond and pretend they never talked or met. And it was easy, of course, until she sees him again, those sad eyes staring at hers in what felt as an endless dream. Eventually, there he was, a fleet surrounding the Resistance, sending fire against them in a moment of vulnerability.

The second attack happened just as before, no warning. They lost too many and Rey lost her strength that night. She didn’t even know what stopped her from leaving the ship and surrendering. _What could be worse?,_ said to herself. Kylo was in her head already, nowhere left to run, and pushing him away seemed impossible.

The third attack should be the last. No more deaths on her shoulders. If Kylo Ren wanted her, so that’s what he would get. She’d be the most devoted follower by heart and soul.

But on her terms.

A spark of comfort reached her, such a painful laugh as she laid among the destruction from her fall. Certainly Poe had to hear Finn screaming for the last few minutes, probably arguing about how exploding their supplies wasn’t _that important_ when she was in danger and the rest could just wait (though it was known perhaps they wouldn’t have another chance of saving themselves). And maybe Poe would say the right words to calm his mate down, about how she’s safe and surely has a plan. Seemed too unreal to imagine all of them so helpless, watching her being carried away by the First Order to a very possible death.

Rey truly hoped the rest could understand she wasn’t coming back (she didn’t want to). She knew exactly where they were taking her as soon as the Stormtrooper grabbed her arms, and anyone could guess it. Plus, Rey’d sense _him_ — and being aware of his presence didn’t bring any peace.

 _“May the Force be with you”,_ again, they would say. But whenever she’d feel the Force, she’d feel their connection getting stronger. So naive to think being in Tatooine would really help, that it was the right place to hide, that at least this time she’d save them and save herself. So innocent to think Luke might guide her through her mission, but the only guidance she had got was Ben’s, as soon as she closed her eyes, being pushed in his direction when the guards finally let her go.

Rey felt embraced by the feeling she wasn’t making her worst decision, not at all. Still lucid, however, she could tell those feelings belonged to Kylo, only him.

Yet, she didn’t blame him. Being close to each other meant intensity — and perhaps Ben could feel the Force draining her fears at the moment. The truth was they’d never know for sure if the force bond was just Snoke’s plan. Maybe it was something bigger, running through their bloodstream, making them one. Whenever she’d feel the Force pulsing in her fingers, in her body, she’d know he was getting closer, and closer, too close.

She didn’t blame him for something out of his control, for pushing his emotions down her throat, for making her feel him in every step of the way. That was Ben Solo, after all: a bunch of emotions suffocated for too long. The in-between. _Grey._

And so was she.

“Leave us alone.” Stormtroopers didn’t wait a single second before getting out, following the Leader’s order. Ben stands so imposing Rey feels like going along. Such a powerful position. Even being far, she sees how his fingers, covered by the thick ladder glove, touches the back of the throne, distracted enough to keep the girl waiting.

Enough to avoid her eyes.

“You’re here, then.” He started, mouth barely open. “Hoped to meet you again tonight, but I wasn’t expecting you’d come by yourself.” _She neither,_ for sure.

“So, you’re going to stop the fire this time?” Rey didn’t have to face the outside to know the war was still unravelling while they were talking. They needed her to do something quick.

That, however, wasn’t hypothetical anymore. She already knew it from the beginning, but the glimpse of his face, straight line mouth, serious tone (different from what she’d expect)... Ben was nervous and, with it, she couldn’t predict his steps. “Why should I? You barely know them.”

“I barely know _you._ Still, I came.” Still, she believed in the possibility of changing things. Smooth steps in his direction and she had his full attention. “Stop the shooting, Ben. Then we can talk properly.” He pushed the dark hair away from his face. And, honestly, she just couldn’t stop staring. She couldn’t back down. “Tell them to stop. Tell the fleet to leave.”

He stood in silence.

Seeing Ben again, face to face, ridiculously felt like the last time — and Rey hated it.

There was something too personal between those walls, meeting again right there. All that red seemed to have too much of them, things they did, things they said, things Rey wasn’t totally capable of forgetting. In fact, some memories she _did vanish_ from her mind, but those moments she felt as her heart was skipping a beat or two… They were still deep in there.

His voice, his offers, the hard words punching her face, she could not erase them. Rey didn’t change since that. Yet a no one, nobody people should care about. But even now, with only some steps keeping them apart, that was clear: he cared.

“Are you trying to use the Force? Trying to trick me with your words?” She should have tried, at least, but if she did it was unintentionally. His face, however, made her believe she almost made it, that he felt something when, looking straight in his eyes, she ordered.

_Could it work with him?_

“What are you doing here, Rey?” There was impatience in his face as he asked, straight to the point. “Why did you came?”

“I…” _Mercy._ She didn’t anticipate his hands touching her arm, checking the wound on her pulse. Her blood was still boiling, so she didn’t feel a thing, not the blood, nor the pain. Nothing but the sudden touch. “I’ve changed my mind. About a new order… I take it back. I want to try it.”

His hair covered his face again as he looked down, slowly taking one of the gloves. “Why now?”

“So many questions.” She breathes loudly, taking one step behind — only so Ben could shorten the distance again. “Don’t you want it anymore?” Some instinct told her to pick the lightsaber, but she realized they took it from her and she didn’t even notice.

Great.

“Just making sure I’m not getting it wrong. You wouldn’t come so easily, no resistance, without fighting.” Ben was very subtle, she had to admit, but it wasn’t a random meet. Rey couldn’t miss a single step of his, not when she’s been walking on a tightrope, waiting for the worst. So the girl was ready when he touched her skin with his bare hand, caressing so softly she almost didn’t turn away.

A brief touch.

“I’m here now because… Now I can see it.” Not a lie at all, but she’d still prefer to hide her face as the words scaped. “Maybe it’s the only way, after all. Perhaps that’s the right path, to start something new, to rise something from nothing.”

And it sounded so much like her, like something Rey’d say naturally, she almost believed in herself. Just as Ben wouldn’t stop sounding like the man he turned into, not so suddenly. It’d be too easy.

“Not by killing all of them, I suppose, as I suggested?” He asked, those dark eyes seeking hers — and there was no way Rey would maskarate all the pain over the thought of getting all of them killed. “See you still don’t agree.” Being there didn’t mean she had lost her humanity. And, anyway, Ben would never believe it.

“I don’t. And if you still want me to join you, Ben… Then you’re going to take me as your equal. You won’t be the only one in control anymore.” That wasn’t under discussion.

“Attracted to the power?”

“Afraid of what you can do with it alone, mostly using me to reach the Resistance. _Again._ ” She might sound too rigid for someone who had everything to lose. However, she was already losing that game. At least she’d have tried. “Stop the fire, Ben, and then we can negotiate.”

Over her shoulder, she could see the conflict.

“Rey…”

“Ask them to stop.” She whispered, and it felt more intense than all the touches and stares.

There was vulnerability hovering above them.

He raised his hand, not too high, and two of them were back, vanishing the red with their white armor. The Stormtroopers weren’t worried about the girl — disarmed, weak, following them with no complaining. Immediately, she couldn’t say who was dumber between them. “Stop the attack. And send the ships back to Mustafar.”

“And no ship must stay behind. The Resistance has to be safe.”

He hesitates.

“And all ships must go.” All Rey can do is hide her explicit relief as the others leave by the command. “Satisfied?” Asked, frustration in his voice. She didn’t know about Ben’s expectations with her arrival. Her only certainty was that she was messing with it (whatever it was).

“Not because you did just what you should, I tell you. But yes.”

She’s satisfied.

Considering all possible scenarios to the end of that meeting, Rey was dealing with the best one. They were gone, finally, and the Resistance would have time to pull it together. Meanwhile, Rey would be the diplomatic one, a mediator — excluding the part where she could be exploded if her proposal didn’t please those who supported Ben’s leadership. And although she gained some confidence about convincing Ben, mostly because he didn’t kill her yet, there was still a whole side that would never consider making peace with the First Order.

Her legs drove her to the throne without even realizing. She could feel her muscles contracting, staring at it for so long her eyes were burning. The idea of touching it, just like Ben, was capable of making the palm of her hand tingle. She never really gets to touch it. The memory of the night Snoke was killed was still too fresh on her mind.

 _You’re nothing._ “This time, then, we’re in the same page.” _But not to me._ “We have so much to talk. Rey…” She feared turning in his direction. His deep voice sounding as low as it could, so close she’d feel his present against her; sounding so positive it hurted.

She wishes Leia could hear it.

“Don’t make me regret my choice, Ben.”

“I won’t.” Quickly, he answered. “Well, since you’re staying I have some things to solve. But you can wait here, or in my quarters. There we can talk privately.” Again, he seemed excited with the idea of having her on board. “Or maybe you want to rest before. If you give me a minute, I’ll show you where you’re staying.”

Ben could be nice when he wanted to. Maybe he couldn’t tell how afraid Rey was, but talking to himself, ready to leave the room and start making the place less threatening for her, he was helping anyway. The man who was just facing her, constantly licking his lips, thinking too much before saying every word, was the complete opposite from the one she gave the scar that crossed his face.

Dealing with this one couldn’t be so hard.

“I’m staying at yours.”

_“What?”_

“I barely trust you. Definitely don’t trust your troop.” She shrugged, sure of one thing: she wouldn’t leave him to be such an easy target. “What would keep them away from taking me during sleep?”

The man looked at her as the possibility was as unreal as her presence, right in front of him. “You don’t have to worry about it. I’ll kill anyone who has the courage to do anything to you.”

_Including himself?_

“Well, after my death I don’t think I’d be worrying about what you’d do.” With crossed arms, she stepped aside, motivating him to leave since she’d go right after, as soon as he wished, when he had left that state of disturbance. “I’ve already decided. I’m staying with you.”

His pale face rubbished in a way that aroused Rey’s awareness. She had Ben running from her stair once more, just like she would do with him before their last meeting, barely noticing what she was doing to hide how affected she’d get from his words. She knew the look on his face, intimidated, maybe confuse, and it felt _absolutely good_ to be on the other side for a change. “You weren’t so determined when we last saw.” Slowly, Ben started his way to the exit. “What changed?”

Rey decided she wanted to be _somebody_ , besides what Ben thinks of her, writhing her fate by herself.

“I changed. And stop staring at me so surprised. I did nothing."

_Yet._

**☯☯☯**

Rey cries through every free minute she has.

 _Damn._ It’s the first time in years she feels like home and, so soon, she needs to sacrifice everything for what she believes. Rey knew it was the right thing to do, still the knowledge didn’t turn it easier to deal with, because she wasn’t asking for too much. All the girl wanted to find, stepping inside Ben’s quarter, was a familiar face — to hear the excitement in Poe’s voice when he starts telling every step of the attack, to be comforted by Rose and, along, to calm her down too, and to have Finn taking care of her bruises and cuts. But that Rey only had herself, and it had to be enough; herself and the confident cover she’d have to wear while being there, while facing Ben and whoever else yet to come.

Honestly, he felt more human than she imagined. In fact, that night, he did nothing to deserve her complaints. But what in the planet the youngest one was thinking, suggesting to stay? Hopefully she was doing a great job keeping him away from her mind and her feelings. Otherwise, Ben’d possibly be tearing up right in front of his troop, and there was nothing else she could do about it, simply try to calm down.

The room had nothing on what she thought of it. Perhaps she has been associating the darkness to Ben for so long seeing the white surprised her. It was so clear her eyes would hurt by staring at those walls. So neutral it made her feel like Ben didn’t spend so much time in there. There’s some books, lots of papers spread here and there, and some clothes too, but nothing too personal, no color, no life, no holopic of a single memory — and whose picture would he keep there, anyway? She never really thought his place would be so... _boring._

Rey took her boots quickly, avoiding to look at his bed, which seemed comfortable and cozy, and carrying herself to what might be her longest shower. She deserved. Yet, curious, she took some time staring at those papers on the floor, noticing some drawings — good drawings. But she didn’t unravelled the smashed ones.

Confident Rey could defy Ben, but she still wasn’t capable of invading his privacy.

It took her some minutes to finally get in the bath. Waiting for Ben was only making her more anxious, and she could always dress the dirty clothes again while waiting for him. She just wanted to take the dirt of her skin, the sweat and blood, as fast as she could. Also, she needed to clean her face and make her more presentable before he comes back and sees how wrecked the girl was while he was out.

Well, those were just excuses. Rey just couldn’t wait anymore to feel the hot water burning her scalp, to feel good about herself once more.

What would Leia say once the Resistance tells her Rey didn’t come back from the defense? Maybe she already knew when allowed the girl to go. She always seems to know. But thinking of her could hurt too much, in the actual scenario. Of all things she hoped to get from Ben, forgiveness wasn’t one (but she would certainly try, for Leia).

She was a bit lighter when her body shivered.

Besides the strong jet of water and her distraction, it was so silent she heard the little noise immediately. First, trying to cover herself, turning off the shower and staying quiet, just to remember the door was looked. She did imagine it was Ben, but still, she felt better with the sound of his voice, a soft whisper. “Rey? Are you in there?”

Looking in the mirror briefly she couldn’t find the diplomatic woman in her, wet hair glued in her neck, pale and bruised shoulders. Her voice almost failed. “Yes?”

Rey really didn’t know how the woman she was facing, the reflexion of someone who was clearly languishing, would save all those people by uniting both sides together. Under her command, they would probably kill themselves and she’d just help by setting place and time.

“I... brought you some clothes.” There’s silence again. “I’ll just leave it by the door.”

But maybe with his help…

She opens the door.

Ben still has his back to her when she closes it.

Rey finally noticed some problems in there — problems she should have realized before, but exhaustion took all of her attention. The most important, there was only one bed in his room. Perhaps she could convince him to take place on the floor, _perhaps not_ , and that was a perspective she didn’t enjoy so much. About the clothes, apart from being too loose (but still good enough to sleep), the point was… Those were definitely his. It smelled like him — and Rey knew it, even though the two of them didn’t get too close that night. So citric the fabric was impregnated with it.

Rey ignores it.

Lights were still on when she stepped into the room. There was Ben, on his knees, pushing his drawings under the bed. His movements were erratic, putting too much effort on it, so Rey wouldn’t see. And there she stayed, right by the door, waiting him to finish.

Though his face couldn’t be seen, she had a hint of what his expression looked like. By those breathless mumbles of concentration, he would have his forehead wrinkled, no smile, but eyes so expressive it was better that the girl couldn’t see them.

He leans on the floor and she closes the bathroom door, loud enough to get his attention. She lets her dirty clothes over the chair, crawling to the bed, pretending they wouldn’t have to mention the fact she was staying there, laid right where he spends his nights, certainly alone.

Again, she shudders, still wet. This time, however, for the wrong reason, whichever it may be.

He takes place by her side. “Here. Brought some food too.” And Rey took longer than necessary to realize how starved she was.

As she stops to think, finally relaxing, until that night they only had met once. The others couldn’t be called meeting, not when both were never in the same place, nor when it use to take few minutes before something happens, forcing her to go, to block him again. At the time, she had so many questions blocking him only happened at the last case. Now, under the uncomfortable silence, Rey wishes she had something to ask.

“You’re probably too tired to make plans right now,” he started, eyes on his hands, all over the room, but never on Rey’s. His tongue runs through his lips, mouth shaking when the words sounds inaudible. “So if you prefer to just leave it for tomorrow…”

“It’s preferable, yes.” She interrupts, too sleepy to start a conversation. “We both need time to think before deciding anything, and…” Mostly her, that has been acting according to her intuition, no plan, having so much in mind thoughts would just get confuse. She was even seeing things! Due to a fertile imagination, it was. “Is that… _me?_ ”

But the draw that flies from under the bed seems so much like her she doesn’t even grab it. Instead, she steps on it, waiting for an answer just a bit more satisfactory than the one she gets.

He picks it up, her face disappearing between his fingers as he almost smashes it. “No. I was just…” He shrugs, nothing else to be said as he hides it again.

“Looks a lot like me.” She says, calmly. Ben could only be confident, and childish, when he had some public. When there was just the two of them, her chances of succeeding were bigger. “I liked it.” The girl only had to be firm, to know where she was stepping in.

He clears his throat, standing up.

“Can we turn off the lights and… rest, then? Since we’re not talking.” No surprise she agreed. Her eyes were almost shutting against her will when he picked up the tray, legs stretching over the bed and body thankful for just a second of peace.

Before the room turns dark, all Rey could see was darkness, already. No curiosity to see what the other would do next, even though, perceptive, she’d hear the rustle of his clothes, the tray being put over the desk, those careful steps of his, trying to be silent. But a large man like Ben could be noticed even there, in the dark, when there was no shadow to be seem.

If he thought the girl wouldn’t feel his weight over the mattress, tense, rigid as a rock, they were both too naive to rule a new order.

By his side, she didn’t move or say a thing when he covers her with his thin blanket, even if her first instinct is to jump off the bed as her shirt rolls up, exposed enough to feel his fingers against her belly before he turns back, facing the wall.

She barely breathes.

“Sleep well, Rey.”

And the young girl does as she's told, without even pushing him to the floor — a victory, she would say. She takes a deep breath, allows herself to go and fly, head so light it feels like she didn’t have a good night of sleep since forever; lips too well sealed to answer him, mind open enough to remember, briefly, whispering to his before sleeping, sharing all her emotions — _positive_ emotions.

_Sleep well, Ben._

They would need those.


	2. A Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t need Rey’s power to start a new order — at least, she couldn’t believe that was the only truth. Once she agrees with his terms nothing else would keep him from the domination.  
> But he feared doing it by himself, alone with his doubts. Ben feared the dark side as much as her, as if it has taken too much of him and there was no turning back.  
> Rey was the balance he needed, and she would do exactly what she was there for: bringing the equilibrium.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back (still can't believe it, but here i am).  
> this chapter started as something fun to write, but turned into a melancholic narrative, to end up as....... well, no spoilers, so hope you enjoy this roller coaster of emotions (mostly Rey's).  
> x

Rey dreams that night.

Her thoughts seems clear and soft, warm as the dreams where she’d see her parents and feel safe between their arms, tight hug. But, for the first time in some, they weren’t there when she closed her eyes. No Jedi, no Sith. There was no one to save her from herself, from her choices. Again, she was all alone, though not playing naive as before. In her dreams, not even a single soul showed up because she only needed herself.

That’s why waking up felt so painful.

She couldn’t say things would be the same in reality.

Once her eyes were open she refused to shut them. The room was still too dark and she definitely didn’t want to split into her dreams again. Breathing calmly, her mouth felt dry — yet Rey could feel the wet spot on her pillow, a proof she’s been drooling ridiculously in her sleep. She should’ve asked for a jug before bed, but no water would stop her sudden thirst, just as the hot feeling.

In the dark, the girl could feel Ben too close. No connection really did much to prepare her. His hair was all over her face when she pushed it away (not before inhaling very deep, noticing it smelled just as his clothes). She could feel him so relaxed, so calm, Rey wishes to see his face, sure he’s asleep. Sadly, she couldn’t say those feelings were mixed up to his. She just wanted to check on him, really quickly, but she ends up drowsing before finishing the thought.

Next time isn’t so peaceful.

Of course, she has seen Ben’s body before (a fact she made such to just vanish from her memories), which means she didn’t need to see it once more, not so soon. Still, when she opens her eyes, in a painful way because of the white walls that forces them shut again, the girl’s sure she just saw too much skin running through the room.

This time, she stares.

Ben’s talking to himself, distracted with the sleeves of his cape, and it’s almost graceful how delicate he can be with those heavy hands of his. He’s…  _ undisturbed _ — different from her. Rey couldn’t keep the silence once she sees how his scar, the one she gave him, merciless, goes down to his neck and jaw and…

“Hey. Already awake?” As he turns in her direction, the girl, too sleepy, can’t think of something to say. Abruptly, being under the sheets bothers her, as if she’s hiding something.

She’s got nothing to hide.

But if Rey knew his humor would turn so bad she’d have said something, an educated sentence to make him take things more serious. It wasn’t even the girl’s fault. She didn’t want to give what he wanted so quickly, still doing what she could to keep the situation under her control. But all that was new, and both were trying to discover what was best for them — with it, Ben was definitely frustrated. He wasn’t used to denies, to the wait and see, but to the real act, to make things happen — and she should had known better to provoke him in their very first day along.

Maybe the younger was pushing him too hard, but she’d only trust her partner once she was absolutely sure about his motivation. After all, he didn’t need Rey’s power to start a new order — at least, she couldn’t believe that was the only truth. Once she agrees with his terms nothing else would keep him from the domination.

But he feared doing it by himself, alone with his doubts. Ben feared the dark side as much as her, as if it has taken too much of him and there was no turning back.

Rey was the balance he needed, and she would do exactly what she was there for: bringing the equilibrium.

“Is that a joke from Jakku? I just… I honestly cannot understand, so make yourself clear.”

“I mean what I just said, Ben.” Her stomach wasn’t empty anymore. No more excuses to keep her mouth full and avoid the talk. “If you appreciate what we are starting together, you have to let go of your authority.” His eyebrows are raised high in surprise, as if Ben didn’t know he would have to share his power with the girl. Still, he frowns under her honesty. “Explain me. How can we command along if your men only answer to  _ you _ _?_ ”

Rey could swear some hours had passed before he opens his mouth, as determined as someone with a new argument could be. It wasn’t enough (but nothing would be, anyway).

She was very sure about her conditions.

“But you’re no princess. There’s no point in trying to convince them. It’s pure waste of time.”

“But I want it.” Perhaps she sounds like a child. “It is important to have this ceremony, to be presented as a commander, as your partner. You’d wish some respect as my partner, right?”

He would.

He wishes.

Resigned, Ben pushes his black hair back, soon biting his lips instead of his tongue (and Rey was counting all signs of his outrage she could, waiting, patiently, for the moment the older would start biting his nails too). No way he was afraid of showing her to his men — by the time, all of them must know about her presence.

“Don’t you want a party too? A marriage, maybe? I’m taking notes.”  _ Oh… She knew it. _ Ben had that concentrated expression, trying to identify which, in-between those plans, was the serious one, certifying himself on whether it was a joke.

_ Poor man, thinking too much. _ There was no joke on him — yet.

“A party, yes. I’d enjoy a reunion, something simple.” She hides a smile, scratching her nape, staring at her lap. “And unless you want to marry one of your soldiers I don’t think we’re hosting one.”

“Right, right. We’re doing the ceremony.” He almost interrupts, pushing the food away, probably not feeling as hungry as before having her thoughts thrown across the table. “Whatever you want.”

“I’m starting to think I’m influencing your decision.” It wasn’t true, and yet Rey couldn’t make herself shut up. It shouldn’t be so good to defy him. No tension between them should feel so positive. Being tense around Ben should mean danger and not euphoria, as he looks into her eyes and murmurs, “No. Just risking a whole army because of you, because that’s the right thing to do. But no influence at all.”

Sounds like a joke.

It ain’t one.

Soon, if things run as she plans, she’d be known as commander of the new order — and as the one who took the dark side as her truth, who chose leaving the others for something bigger than herself (and if Rey wasn’t really able to understand it before meeting Ben, she definitely couldn’t explain it to the Resistance).

Actually, Rey was still building her plan.

But, again, they were partners, and she couldn’t feel completely satisfied if Ben was still mumbling through the corridor as if she had cheated on their game.

“Ben… Wait.” Rey would certainly regret. “Is there something you want, anything I can do?” He seemed ready to roll his eyes and ignore her, just so he wouldn’t treat her bad. “I’m not doing it because I want something in return.” But subtly his face lights up a bit. “In fact… There’s one thing, yes.” And, for a brief moment, Rey wishes she could take it back.

☯☯☯

As time passes by, Rey sees herself forgetting. Joining the Resistance as soon as leaving it, meeting new people and failing to recall their names (and faces), finding a reason to be alive and missing it as it slips through her fingers like sand. Rey’s used to being alone, but knowing a whole reality where she didn’t need to be just made things harder — as if nothing could fulfill the void.

And actually, even though she wouldn’t admit, Ben was doing a great job trying to make her busy. After a long discussing about needing a teacher, in which she couldn’t even mention a teacher who wasn’t Ben, they started spending most of their time together, exhausting. Now, she knows the man’s best mood comes when they’re training, when she can feel the Force right between them — and Rey could swear he could feel it too, every single time they’d fall into the connection; a rush, a certain thrill she had never felt before.

Or maybe she did.

Sometimes, she would get herself thinking about what was the relation, the attachment between them.  _ Was it always there, even before they met?  _ The thought it would only be of use when they were apart, to see each other (and…  _ touch _ ) and talk when they weren’t really there, seemed so useless now. Still, there’s a memory she decided to vanish along the others that had everything to do with the way she had felt after Snoke’s death; a feeling their bond wasn’t just rational or emotional, but physical, and fighting by Ben’s side only intensified her assurance.

Those were the moments when she’d gain so much strength it’d feel as someone was in control of her body, saving her life numerous times by doing things she didn’t know she was capable of. She trained and trained, but after leaving Luke behind she didn’t feel ready at all, fearing all possible scenarios after the Supreme Leader was killed. But not now. Now Rey’s sure whenever they’re fighting together — or else, Ben’s fighting against her —, not a single thing will get out of their control.

And, well… It wasn’t personal, but fighting against the man turned into Rey’s motivational activity. Waking up felt so easier when she knew what was coming. Sometimes, she didn’t even feel like using the lightsaber, just going for body combat, most times the Force, whenever she'd feel like it — and Ben would rarely stop her, even if he knew they were close to kill each other while working out. Like all the times she made his nose bleed, or those when he would twist her arm too hard, without even touching her, until she drops the lightsaber, and, without thinking, she’d throw him on the floor, lacing her legs around his neck until he had his face as red as his weapon.

Those times she’d apologise right after, though the fever of power inside would tell her to stop feeling guilty when it felt so vigorous. Perhaps Ben had felt the same, day after day, but probably she’d never ask and he’d never have the chance to answer.

Not even their meetings would make Rey feel so powerful — the ones in which a long silence would remain as she realizes, everytime, Ben wasn’t the type who gets committed. He would wait for her plan, for her ideas, and then agree or disagree, never showing up with a better idea. In the worst one, she discussed with Hux about how their lack of leaderance was his fault, and everything would be easier if the Republic hasn’t been blown away. But Ben’d just listen to her speech about saving the galaxy without saying a thing, shaking his head, positive, and getting ready to organize the ceremony _she wanted_ , not him.

It was hard to believe they were in the same side.

Now, her power seems bigger than herself and the day has come. She would show her authority to his army, soon  _ their _ , and the Resistance would finally know too. Perhaps, they already knew, long time since she went away. But Rey just prefered to pretend they didn’t know she was a traitor because (hopefully) things wouldn’t turn the wrong way, and she’d have the chance to explain everything to them.

But being along with Ben wasn’t that bad (of course, no one needed to know). Still, it was painful as she presumed it’d be. Every so often, Rey would just lay on his bed and watch his drawing process, the chaos before the first movement, the stressful moment when Ben would pretend not to look at her, not to capture what he needed, not to draw her pretty eyes with a glow she couldn’t see in the mirror. A detail visible to his eyes, only. Yet, some nights Rey’d wake up in the middle of the night just to realize Ben wasn’t there (and seemed so good, at first — having more space and some privacy wouldn’t be terrible — but turned out to be lone, sad).

Those were his worse nights, Rey would think, those when she’d feel a lack of peace, his body trembling by hers, suddenly cold, suddenly tense, and mumbling a bunch of names the girl knew he wanted to forget, things he did and couldn’t be undone, certainly dreaming and suffering over them, feeding those memories and stopping the younger, unintentionally, from resting, too worried to close her eyes and sleep fine.

Once, she almost woke him up, fingers touching his large shoulder too tight, almost tight enough to release him from his pain. But he would always wake up alone, shivering, and Rey would pretend she wasn’t as tense as him, watching as he'd pick up his things and leave the quarter.

Those nights, she knew he’d hide and draw until the next day, but Rey’d never feel brave enough to follow him — and the mornings after those would not turn to be so different.

The morning of the ceremony starts atypical (but Rey can only focus on how long she's been there, already used to a routine). Ben has left the room when she wakes up, and still he wouldn’t talk to her when they finally met. There were so many men in the room, men she didn’t see before, though Hux would always mention them. The ones who accepted Ben as their leader. And since he silently refused to help her understanding what they were talking about, not even introducing the younger to them, without his help, she joined them, getting ready before driving herself to the throne, faster than he drove her insane, getting to her nerves.

Up there, Rey sits still, a bit angry when Ben stands by her side, and so tired the generator that forces her to act all respectful just shuts off. Those were there to honor the girl, commanders from other planets, showing her their fidelity (which wasn’t exactly what Rey asked for, but Ben didn’t care), promising to fight for their cause whenever they needed. But not because they believed in doing the right thing, but for Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader, and whatever he could do with all his power.

Some nonsense.

Honestly, all she wanted was to lay down and rest, but that was still  _ his  _ place,  _ his  _ quarter,  _ his  _ bed, and Rey was too annoyed by his behavior to ignore the facts.

After all, she didn’t want glory, but the salvation for those who couldn’t protect themselves, and the thought of having Ben jealous of the respect she was getting, or fearing losing his power, had her even more irritated — if that was even possible.

And as the stormtroopers got the room empty by her command, as the two of them remained, by themselves, Rey almost regretted giving the order just to make Ben uncomfortable. At least all the others were less predictable than he was, making himself the antagonist of that scenario when they were supposed to be a duo, a powerful one.

“It’s already over?” Rey could hear his large shower, and its hot water, a perspective of having a moment alone, calling her, too exhausted to talk or do anything — including to get up from the throne and leave Ben behind, though she should have done it long before.

“Guess it is.” Ben always sounds as he has something else to say, usually more than words can express. And he might control his mouth very well, but not those dark eyes, in which Rey could see everything she didn’t want to. “I asked myself if you’d make me kneel until the end of the ceremony, right in front of them.”

_ Why would she? _

Rey knew her anger was coming directly from Ben (in part, and for the most of it, because the girl was angry at him, but also because she could feel, and perhaps see, the feelings bubbling inside of him). It felt worse than leaving the Resistance, than the night she arrived. That night she felt needed, say the least, wanted.

Now she could only feel displeased. “They kneeled because they wanted to. Never asked for that. But if that’s your wish… By all means, go ahead.” Her left hand was covered by the thin fabric of her black dress, but the right one was involved in a thick glove. Her fingers seemed thinner on those, different from Ben’s, and she could see it, pointing at her own feet, suddenly anxious to watch the man bend the knee. “Kneel, Ben.”

Her heart’s racing — that’s how Rey knows Ben’s heart is about to jump out of his chest, forcing what he understands as a smile (raising the corner of his thick lips, but without a trace of brightness in his eyes), like it’s just one of her jokes. The girl can feel all the emotions waving, emanating from his body, when he walks towards her, stepping carefully, almost as if to give her some time to take back the order, at least to consider.

Briefly, Rey touches her lightsaber, her hand resting strategically over it — Hux’s suggestion to keep her armed during the ceremony, and perhaps the only good one ever —, though the younger no longer sees Ben as a threat. It’s automatic, as getting tense when he lays by her side, as getting sad with the memories of her past (what remains of it), as raising an eyebrow and allowing her head to relax against the throne, eyes closed for a second, realizing she’d have to be really brainless to believe Ben wouldn’t try some stupidity.

It all happens very clearly. How his fingers move up, how the weapon —  _ Luke’s weapon _ — responds to it, even being under her touch, and mostly how the girl allows it to go, watching as the lightsaber stops right between them, hovering in the air.

This time, however, different from the familiar situation they once lived (so many feelings it was even harder to distinguish which were hers and his), she doesn’t put effort on keeping it, while Ben tries the most, dripping sweat, breathing loudly in tiredness. She keeps her hand standing in his direction, as peaceful as she can feign, eyes watering with such a pleasurable feeling: to be completely on control of her own actions.

“Thought we already went through this.” Rey really felt sorry for him — not in a sad way, but…  _ Pity. _ He just wanted to prove he could. But he couldn’t. Rey had no problems facing the facts: Ben was too powerful for his own good. Yet, even as a fine teacher, he couldn’t separate his emotions from his power, from the Force, couldn’t do it as the lightsaber went back to her hands, fingers grabbing it so hard it would have hurt without the glove. “I remember you told me you’d do everything I wanted. Were you lying, then?”, she asks, a recognizable sound of satisfaction in her voice.

“You’re enjoying power too much, don’t you think?”, he says, pretending not to be tired, rolling his eyes, avoiding to stare at her smile — a honest one, Ben wouldn’t doubt.

“Oh, I am, yes.” She puts the lightsaber on its place, so she can pull the dress and give him all possible freedom and space. “Now, why am I not seeing your knees on the floor yet?”

Their bond has never been so physical.

Rey feels as she can reach for it and touch, almost seeing what’s on his mind — his anger and confusion, the way he stares and waits, but in the end drops to the floor, inevitable. She just asks herself if he was really predictable, or if it was her, inside his mind for too long, feeling him more than she should. “Wants me to promise fidelity forever, Your Majesty?”

“I’ll go for Empress, actually.” In fact, they’ve been avoiding the theme, discussing the future without giving it names (and she didn’t intend to force it so soon). “Which makes me think… Your grandmother and mother were princesses. What does that make you?”

Rey didn’t mean to say it. Yet, she says. Words floating over them, but no permission whatsoever. She stares at Ben, head down, seeming so fragile — a word she’d never use to describe the man —, and realizes she’s being saying and doing things she would never, ordering instead of asking, looking at the other in such an aggressive way, no longer passive.

“Whatever you want, my Empress”, he answers, and she shivers. No way she’s taking back whatever she said, but still she almost laughs — and now because Rey’s calmer, but the whole situation seems too fun not to laugh about. A bit unreal, perhaps.

“Stop the sarcasm, Ben. I’m being serious now.”  _ Too unreal, _ she’d say, if it wasn’t so hard to speak, suddenly, like if there was sand all over her throat — stopped from speaking, just as him.

“So am I.”

_ He was not. _

“I wanted you here because… You didn’t have your destiny controlled by others.” His voice is more stable now, what worries the girl (who knows better to think about it, since it means to admit she just had found strength in his weakness, a thing that might work for both sides (too bad for her). “I took too long to start making my own choices, but you already can think for yourself. And I believe you’re going to make the best choices for the new order.” Ben might be trembling when he touches her knee (Or is it she?), a brief touch under the dress before he gets rid of that one glove. “We’re going to rule along, you and me, and they’ll have to get used to it, just as us.”

His hair was still humid from the shower, but Rey didn’t care about the wet spots on her dress, although she should ( _ she really should _ ). Every touch of his was supposed to calm her down. No one ever touched her like that, yet the girl could understand the purpose of a massage, of Ben’s intentions, caressing her skin with the tip of his warm fingers, with a gentle glow in his eyes. “That time, I really thought I saw your future.” A gentle voice, a gentle touch. “And I interpreted everything wrong, now I can understand.” Getting rid of her tight boots, massaging her feet, her ankle,  _ her ego... _ Ben was doing his best — completely different from the man who ignored her earlier. “Your future is wherever you wish, and all I can do is hope for you to do your best.”

So, Rey recognizes his effort to make her feel comfortable, but Ben only succeeds in getting the girl even more tense, grabbing the arm of the throne, trying to keep her breath low. “You ignored me the whole day, making me feel like I’ve done something wrong, only for you to come and talk about how you believe in me?”

The younger only realizes how nervous she is when she feels her nape wet on sweat, her hair straight down and glued to her neck. Her hands were also humid, and she could say those goosebumps weren’t from the cold. Ben’s hands were doing fine in keeping her warm; her cheeks were on fire. It wasn’t about being ashamed (although she was, holding her breath as if it could stop her body from being so responsive), but about the intimacy in those touches, light and gentle as she wouldn’t expect from Ben. Those big hands, heavy and yet soft, shouldn’t feel so delicate over her skin.

“Wanted to make sure you could do this alone, without my support. And you did great, Rey.” So much affection in his words as her name escaped from his mouth. “You did it by yourself.”

No one ever teached the girl how to trust, and to grow accustomed was not easy. Closing her eyes felt like the hardest act, watching as Ben’s hair felt back on his face when he leaned to kiss her ankle, his smooth lips on her skin with such a normality she almost didn’t make a sound. But she couldn’t make herself still, leaning in his direction to take a closer look, as if to confirm she wasn’t hallucinating — yet, when Rey finally shuts her eyes, head against the throne, she feels like keeping them closed for a whole eternity, even wishing real bad to follow every step of what Ben was doing… what he was about to do.

Her fingers are tingling in want — to touch his hair, to caress him as he does to her — when his warm breath gets to her neck, his wet mouth causing such a state of euphoria. Kissing up her chin, her cheeks, lips so parted Rey’d swear she felt his tongue, he finally gets to her mouth. Rey only wishes things weren’t happening so fast, so she could open her eyes and see his expression before taking her lips on his, before reaching to touch her face as he did once to take her hand.

Perhaps if Rey knew that feeling was waiting for her, she’d have said yes to Ben as soon as he asked.

Their lips barely touched, but she was already drowning in the agony of knowing something new, thoughts about how she could’ve done that before if she only knew it was so good. Rey had never been kissed until Ben held her by the neck, slipping his tongue between her lips and lightning up what was too hidden inside of her.

If the girl thought training together, fighting along was the peak of their connection, sharing all the energy, that was the moment when she realized how mistaken she was. “Ben…”, Rey tried, but her voice was nothing more than a whisper as she refused to separate their mouths.

“You’ll feel good. You  _ earn  _ to feel it.”

She did... Or at least convinced herself that she deserved whatever Ben was offering, without asking what or even trying to. And suddenly Rey was really satisfied with earning something she didn’t know she needed until… that point.

The younger could still remember his voice, telling her to let go, to stop holding on.

She did.

Despite Ben’s hands all over her thighs, she was still completely dressed (what didn’t make of it less invasive). However, Rey could not feel more naked, feeling his tongue on her nipple as the fabric was the only thing stopping Ben from really tasting her. The thought was despairing, like nothing she had ever felt could compare to that, but as he went down through her body, his breath against her thighs, again, this time with a anxiety she could swear she didn't notice before, those thoughts seemed innocent, child’s play.

Those thoughts couldn’t affect her as Ben.

Part of Rey was in denial, doubting her eyes had capture the same as her sense of touch, that she wasn’t daydreaming about kissing Ben and wanting to feel more of it. The other part wasn’t much different, but those were distinct reasons. She couldn’t believe it took her so little to forget about the confident role she’s been playing — a total fall down as Ben pulled her dress up and the smallclothes down.

_ We can’t do this… here,  _ she thinks, but stops herself from actually saying those words, fearing he’d give up on continuing right when she needed it the most. She needed Ben to finish what he started, whatever it was, holding her own dress so he could push her knees apart, no complaint as his kisses were spread all over her thighs and the sensibility of its inner. She just needed Ben kissing her again, wet and thirsty — and so he did.

The first lick almost made Rey whine in surprise, moving away from the border of the throne, so tense for the last few minutes it seemed as her body would never leave that position, frozen — and see, it wouldn’t be a problem if Ben didn’t move at all, as long as he continued with the wet laps, open mouth over her clit. She’d die over and over again if it meant to have him right there, between her legs, gasping, panting, but never taking distance, as if Ben needed that as much as her. She could feel his nose against her groin as his kisses went up to her belly, full headed under her dress, and although Rey had absolutely no idea what she had to do, her hands flew to his hair, no time to worry about taking her glove before grabbing some thin locks and taking him back to where she wanted him.

Rey felt so ashamed of her own despair she didn’t have the courage to look at him when she finally felt his eyes on her. Of course, she wanted to see what was the look on his face, his mouth watering and making her even more wet (as if she needed it), but not like that, not knowing nothing would ever be the same between them both, not while feeling his scar against her skin when she presses her thighs around Ben’s face. She could only imagine his expression, a glance of it as Rey’s mouth betrays her, allowing all those sounds she’s been trying to suffocate to go out, loud and clear, not even knowing if it was him, rubbing his tongue against her cunt so smooth her fingers got even tighter on his hair, motivating him to lick it faster, or if it was her, almost leaving her sit, dying to rub herself against his mouth, but incapable of finding strength to do it.

The girl didn’t need to open her eyes to know he was enjoying it, having her so dependent on him, holding her dress so tight there was no way she could get apart from him without dying inside, denying herself something she just wanted too much.

It felt so good it hurted.

_ Has he done it before? When? With who?,  _ she imagines, finding it difficult to concentrate when her soul’s almost leaving her body. Rey really tries to push Ben away, a second of lucidity before the pure agony that follows, a pleasure that comes so fast from her core that wouldn’t let her breathe. “Ben…”, she says again, but it feels like another failed attempt of being heard, of sounding clear. All she had done until then was to moan, to whisper words that even herself couldn’t understand. “Ben… I can’t.”

Rey could cry by any second, scratching his nape hard enough to know there would be marks, though she sounded as rigid as possible; a tough girl, even though Ben was killing her silently. The room was spinning, darker than before, when she crossed her legs behind his head in pure bliss, melting over the throne and almost slipping from the sit, exploding quiet and softly — and Rey wouldn’t make a sound even if she wanted to, too ecstatic to formulate a sentence.

At least pushing Ben away was easier this time, too sensitive to keep him close for any longer. The hardest part, however, was to pretend he wasn’t still right in front of her, on his knees, to ignore the wish of kissing that mouth, those red thick lips, swollen, wet from her, from his saliva, from whatever the younger wanted to taste as soon as she saw his face.

Lucky, Rey chose a very simple dress to the ceremony, and still she took forever to fix it before trying to get up (and failing). She couldn’t trust on her legs, too numb to follow her command and lead her out of the room, far from Ben. But different from the girl, completely calm, he stood up with no shame, bending over her only so he could grab her face, fingers covered in the leader glove and giving her chills. “We’re ruling it, Rey. We’re doing this together”, he says, kissing the corner of her mouth. “It will feel even better once you accept this is our reality now… Leader.”

And he was gone, vanishing in her face, letting Rey have her moment to calm down, staying as long as she wanted to, even after her legs starts working again, fearing leaving the throne meant a setback, as if she was conditioned to be the Rey from Jakku, powerless.

The old Rey would never survive that, consumed by the shame after Ben and all the intimacy shared between them. Give up to their bond shouldn’t be that bad. The things she felt that night shouldn’t haunt her. It didn’t mean she was a different person from before feeling Ben, before having all those men bending their knees to her, before assuming the... leadership.

The old Rey wouldn’t take it, the attention, the pression, nor, so soon, the affection, believing her weakness would come from Ben, the one who should make her feel even stronger. Damn... She would’ve been so wrong.

Thankfully that Rey wasn’t there any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo, spread dark reylo to your friends if you enjoyed it (and leave a comment or smth). won't take too long to publish the next chapter!!  
> twt: @cxmistry

**Author's Note:**

> soooo, spread dark reylo to your friends if you enjoyed it (and leave a comment or smth). won't take too long to publish the next chapter!!  
> twt: @cxmistry


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